Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

College counseling can become a really tedious process that is often treated as a ‘one-size-fits-all’ blueprint model. At Village Coaches, we prefer to place emphasis on helping teenagers build important skills that they will use for life and figure out who they are while doing college counseling. In this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are breaking down what college counselors do, why our model is different from the norm, how meeting with students every week assists the process, and when the best time is to start college coaching. At Village, we don’t offer a generic model for every single student and instead, we help our kids thrive and learn about themselves while building skills they will use in college and beyond. For us, it’s about the long game and college counseling is just one of the many times your kids will encounter uncertainty and challenges. We even discuss why our students come to discuss college issues with us once they have already transitioned from high school. Lastly, we remind you that teenagers are smarter than we think and know themselves more than we give them credit for. You don’t want to miss this one so tune in now!
 
Key Points From This Episode:
 
[0:01:41] Why we want to discuss what college counseling looks like. 
[0:02:51] How we define college counseling and the role of a college counselor.
[0:08:24] The Village college counselor model and why that feels different from others.
[0:13:21] Why we love meeting with students every week. 
[0:18:02] How our students manage transitioning into college and why they talk to us about it.
[0:21:32] What Village Coaches offers that other college counselors don’t.
[0:25:11] The best time to start college counseling.
[0:30:28] The beauty of getting to do college coaching the way that we want to.
[0:32:26] Why we approach kids with curiosity and trust that they know themselves. 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Village Coaches
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

Parents and teens often put way too much emphasis on extracurriculars for college applications when the truth is, they’re not as important as they’re made out to be! Today we dive into a discussion on whether or not colleges care about extracurriculars. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about the importance of choosing activities based on passion and interest and not for the sake of applications, why unique activities are overrated, why the reason for selecting extracurriculars is more important than what is selected, and the negative effects of selecting curated summer programs for teenagers. We delve into why a college resume is not as important as you may think it is and why your actual transcript is far more important before we discuss anchoring decisions about activities based on values. Finally, we break down some examples of purpose and value-based extracurricular activities teenagers have come up with to inspire you. To hear all of this invaluable advice and wisdom, press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:04:28] Why extracurriculars are not as important for college applications as people think. 
[0:06:05] The danger of doing activities for the sake of college applications and not based on passion.
[0:11:42] Why you need to abandon the concept of trying to find unique extracurriculars to do for your college application.
[0:12:34] Extracurricular activities being more about the ‘why’ than the ‘what’. 
[0:18:38] The danger of pre-packaged curated extracurricular programs.
[0:23:35] The college resume: not as high-stakes as parents and teens make it out to be. 
[0:28:20] Why you should anchor decisions surrounding extracurriculars in your values.
[0:30:08] Examples of value and purpose-based extracurriculars teenagers have come up.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
The College Essay Guy Presentation 
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

We are very excited to welcome another guest to the Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You podcast! Joining Cathy and Meredith today is Mark Westerfield, a clinical psychologist who focuses on cognitive, social-emotional, and academic evaluations for children, adolescents, and young adults. He’s here to delve into a conversation about an important topic, psycho-educational assessments; what they are, when they are indicated, and what to do with the results from the assessments. Mark unpacks several aspects of the assessment process, the reasons families would seek these services, and the importance of including children in the process, and shares his expertise on how to work with schools to deliver individualized accommodations and recommendations. He also shares advice on how to deal with parents and students who push back or don’t make use of their accommodations. To hear about all this, and much more, make sure not to miss out on this episode! Thanks for listening. 
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:20] What to expect from today’s episode.
[0:01:48] More about our guest today, Mark Westerfield.
[0:03:15] Mark unpacks the process of a psycho-educational assessment.
[0:04:30] Reasons a family would seek out these types of services.
[0:07:20] What Mark would advise families to watch for regarding learning disabilities.
[0:11:00] He delves further into the process behind the tests.
[0:13:15] How long the process usually takes.
[0:14:45] The importance of including the child in the process.
[0:16:40] Mark details what a neuro-psych report includes/looks like.
[0:18:45] Working with schools on delivering individualized accommodations or recommendations.
[0:21:50] Advice to parents/ students who aren’t making use of their accommodations.
[0:23:24] Dealing with parents who are giving push-back on using accommodations.
[0:26:50] Middle-schoolers and their need to fit in socially.
[0:28:25] Ideal ages for the different assessments.
[0:30:40] Dealing with the different reasons parents push back from getting their children assessed.
[0:36:00] A reminder that all our brains, simply, aren’t the same!
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Mark Westerfield on LinkedIn
Westerfield Psychological Assessment
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

How many of you actually felt like doing your homework as a kid? During this episode, we’re talking more about motivation; a topic that keeps resurfacing in our conversations with kids. What if discipline was more valuable than motivation? Join us as we explore how to respond to kids who cite a lack of motivation as their reason for achieving below their capabilities. Delving into our childhood experiences, we consider our respective approach to working as Deans and unpack what it might look like to encourage your kids as they develop the muscle of discipline by doing hard things. We also take a look at what may lie below what kids experience as a lack of motivation and discuss an alternative way of understanding what might cause them to feel that way. Listen in to hear all this and more! 
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] The topic we are revisiting during this episode: motivation.
[0:01:19] Feedback Cathy has received from her students on motivation. 
[0:04:01] Weighing in on how we all felt about our homework as children. 
[0:06:52] What kids are really looking for in the moment: motivation to do their homework.
[0:09:46] How Meredith and Cathy would define their style of work as Deans.
[0:13:10] Teaching kids to develop the muscle of discipline.
[0:18:51] Why it is beneficial to push your kids to do hard things.
[0:22:31] Managing your own discomfort at seeing your kids suffer.
[0:28:40] How technology robs students of sitting with their own discomfort. 
[0:30:49] What kids can conflate motivation with: fear.
[0:35:00] Why discipline is ultimately more valuable than motivation. 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
The Value Sort App
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

We have a timely, but great, episode topic for listeners today! Course sign-ups. Everyone is gathering information, course catalogs are out, kids are having meetings with their counselors, and all this brought up a very interesting point of discussion. How to talk about rigor, as it pertains to the college admissions process. Join the conversation as Cathy and Meredith dive deep into how they approach the conversation about rigor, why colleges care about it, and their thoughts on the reality of taking “the most rigorous curriculum” at school. They answer a commonly asked question, share guidance on how to support a child who wishes to pursue a more rigorous curriculum, and explain why playing the game ultimately comes down to a choice.  Through this conversation, Cathy and Meredith aim to clarify how broad rigor can look for students all over the country, to help parents realize that there is indeed a range of rigor, and that the rigor conversation can be hard for both parents and students to swallow. Cathy and Meredith (like all parents for their kids) truly want kids to have all the options, but unfortunately, that’s not the world and how it works these days. Stick around to hear their insightful thoughts on this topic on another episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:40] Our timely topic for today’s podcast.
[0:02:20] Why it’s a tricky situation to talk about rigor.
[0:03:50] Cathy explains how she approaches the conversation about rigor.
[0:04:30] How rigor is measured.
[0:04:40] Why colleges (particularly highly selective ones) care about rigor.
[0:09:00] Thoughts on the reality of taking on the most rigorous curriculum in the high school.
[0:10:10] Why it’s important to realize that rigor exists on a spectrum.
[0:10:30] Is it better to get a B or C in honors classes or get an A in regular classes?
[0:14:30] The importance of knowing your kids and having (tough) honest conversations.
[0:15:45] A minute to defend our colleagues still working in schools.
[0:18:10] Guidance on how to support your child pursuing a more rigorous curriculum.
[0:23:20] Prompting a more fundamental question to parents.
[0:24:00] The choice to play this game.
[0:25:30] Other great options (that don’t require you to play this game).
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

Get ready for a juicy and salacious topic in this week’s episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You! Join Cathy and Meredith as they dive into the concept of 'hooks' in the college admission process. They explore what hooks are and discuss the various types, including the nuanced world of athletic recruitment, the use of arts, what advancement is (and is not), and the reality of letters from trustees. Cathy shares a concrete example demonstrating the effectiveness of a true hook, and they leave the audience with a necessary truth about highly selective admission in the United States! Don’t miss out on this real and insightful episode. Thanks for tuning in! 
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:00] The salacious topic of today’s episode!
[0:01:44] Thinking you can take advantage of a “hook” in the admissions process.
[0:02:00] How Cathy would define “the hook” in admissions.
[0:03:35] We take a look at different types of hooks.
[0:05:10] Our hot-take on the different divisions of athletic recruitment.
[0:10:30] Using arts as a hook (like dance or music performance).
[0:15:45] The thing people get most uncomfortable about: advancement (or money).
[0:18:00] Why advancement (as a hook) is more than writing a check.
[0:20:00] Kids with letters from trustees (or really fancy people).
[0:23:14] Can hooks work? We end off with a concrete example.
[0:25:45] The courts will most likely be coming for legacy and advancement etc.
[0:26:00] The truth: highly selective admission in the USA is not a meritocracy.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

Are you curious about seeking mental health support for your teen but worried about the stigma? Here’s what you need to know! Therapy or counseling can support adolescents through a variety of life events, important self-discovery moments, school-related stress, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. It can also be used to prevent minor (and totally normal) issues from turning into problems later on. To help us dispel some of the common misconceptions about therapy and gain some insight into its measurable benefits, we are joined by Rebecca Li, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. In this episode, you’ll learn more about Rebecca’s methodology, hear her advice for skeptical parents, and discover valuable resources that you can lean on to help you make an informed decision about whether or not therapy is the right choice for your family. Tune in for all this and much more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Introducing today’s guest, psychotherapist and former lawyer, Rebecca Li.
[0:02:43] Insight into Hakomi; a powerful experiential psychotherapy methodology.
[0:05:37] Dispelling the stigma around mental health, particularly for immigrant families.
[0:07:27] Advice for parents whose children have been referred to therapy.
[0:11:27] Some of the measurable positive impacts of therapy.
[0:14:00] Distinguishing between normal adolescent behavior and abhorrent behavior.
[0:15:30] Tips for parents to manage their own anxiety and expectations for their kids.
[0:24:56] How Hakomi therapy supports and promotes change through internal awareness.
[0:28:08] Why it’s important to Rebecca that her clients feel celebrated, not just validated.
[0:29:40] The value of removing judgment, taking a deep breath, and “zooming out.”
[0:33:56] Simple words of wisdom for anxious parents: slow down a notch!
[0:37:00] Reasons to celebrate more and problem-solve less.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Rebecca Li
Rebecca Li on LinkedIn
Rebecca Li on Instagram
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

Today on Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are chatting to one of our hosts, Meredith Herrera about her life and career so our listeners can better get to know her. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about what drew Meredith to education, almost working for the Secret Service, the school administrative roles she’s had throughout her career, and more! We delve into why Meredith doesn’t actually find teenagers exhausting and what she loves about working with them before discussing what teens need from the adults around them. Finally, Meredith tells us what she would be doing if she weren’t an educator. To hear all this and so much more, press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:03:20] A bit about Meredith’s background and what drew her to education. 
[0:06:33] Her job offer for the Secret Service and what the training was like. 
[0:09:38] The different kinds of roles Meredith has had in schools throughout her career.
[0:13:42] What Meredith likes about working with teenagers.
[0:18:34] Meredith outlines what teenagers need from the adults around them.
[0:25:52] What Meredith would do if she weren’t an educator. 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Meredith Herrera 
Meredith Herrera on LinkedIn
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

Kids today, with their readily available smartphones, so easily avoid uncomfortable situations. But if we, as parents, constantly try to “fix” life for them, are we setting them up for a successful life as adults? Today we broach an idea in adolescent development, terminology you might have heard before; Orchid Children or Dandelion Children. These terms are often used to describe the temperaments of certain kids (even though not everyone is squarely an Orchid or a Dandelion). Join the conversation as Meredith and Cathy dive into what is meant by Orchid and Dandelion kids and we share tons of real-life examples of how low-distress tolerance children react to uncomfortable situations. They delve into the parental instinct to “fix” our child’s discomfort, the moral of today’s episode, and how the realness of this topic can have dire consequences in later adolescence and adulthood. Don’t miss out on all the insightful nuggets and practical tips for navigating children with low distress tolerance, on this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You. Thanks for tuning in!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:30] What we want to talk about in this week’s episode.
[0:02:04] Cathy explains what is meant by Orchid and Dandelion kids.
[0:05:30] We dive into why Orchid kids can be harder to parent than Dandelion kids.
[0:06:15] Sensitivity versus fragility.
[0:07:00] What we see (most) in the kids we work with.
[0:10:30] Examples of how low-distress tolerance children react to uncomfortable situations.
[0:17:30] We chat about Cathy’s lack of shyness (both now and growing up).
[0:19:20] Our instincts as parents to “fix” our child’s discomfort.
[0:19:44] A quick disclaimer of what we are not talking about.
[0:20:15] Cathy shares a real-life example of a response from parents.
[0:23:14] The moral of today’s episode: kids need to do hard things.
[0:24:40] Our thoughts on today’s kids getting their driver’s licenses.
[0:25:52] The Chicken with Bones in It story.
[0:29:00] When “this stuff” gets real: building emotional stress tolerance.
[0:29:55] What Cathy tells the kids she sees who are struggling with this.
[0:31:55] How we encourage kids that they have what it takes to do what is needed.
[0:33:00] Practical tips for navigating children with low-distress tolerance.
[0:35:10] Meredith walks listeners through the T-I-P strategy.
[0:40:00] What we recommend not to do.
[0:44:44] Phrases you can stick on their wall.
[0:47:30] Normalizing being bad at something new.
[0:49:40] The importance of parents working out their own issues.
[0:54:14] Being demonstrative about your child’s accomplishment of a hard thing.
[0:56:00] #Growth.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram

Finding the balance between holding your children accountable and having boundaries while keeping the peace and happiness in the home is a delicate task. In today’s episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are unpacking one of the most difficult issues parents face and helping you figure out if you’re too easy on your kid. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about our approaches with teens, why they often see us as harder on them than their parents are, why you have to hold your children accountable, and much more! We delve into defining your family standards, how to include children in that process, and why peace isn’t always possible before we discuss the dangers of talking too much. Your child’s future and ability to be a well-rounded, successful human is more important than being liked by your teenager and today, we remind you that you aren’t always going to be liked by your teenager and why that’s okay! Finally, we touch on sustaining yourselves as parents instead of relying on gratification from your children. This is an incredibly important episode so be sure to press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:08] One of the biggest issues parents face: how to know if they are finding the best balance between peace and boundaries with their children. 
[0:05:43] How we approach the work we do with teenagers and why we are harder on them than their parents are. 
[0:12:21] Why asking students how they feel about their academic choices is so beneficial. 
[0:14:12] The importance of holding your teens accountable as parents. 
[0:17:09] Defining your standards as a family, including older children, and accepting that peace is not always possible. 
[0:20:43] The dangers of talking too much and lecturing adolescents and why trust and respect are imperative. 
[0:27:03] How communities of parents can be supportive and why you cannot rely on gratification from your teenagers to sustain yourself. 
[0:29:31] Why you do not need to be liked by your teenager and do not always have to like them. 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram